Why Do We Stay? How Women Can Stop Denying Their Intuition and Get Unstuck

 Image courtesy of Norwood Themes

Image courtesy of Norwood Themes

I sat across the table quietly listening to him talk. We were at the corner Chinese Food restaurant at the nearby corner from where we lived, waiting for our order. Same as we had many nights before when cooking at home seemed like too much work for our NYC too-busy-to-cook lifestyle. But this night was different. This night had the potential to change the course of my life. It was the night when it finally hit me that the man that I had spent the last seven years with was not going to be the man I would spend the rest of my life with.  As the words touched my ears, “I don’t want to get married”, I instantly felt drained. In a way his words confirmed my suspicions but actually hearing them said out loud were like daggers to the heart. And in that moment, what happened next can only be described in the same way near-death patients report having an experience of leaving their physical body. I felt as if my soul left my body and I actually watched myself sitting at the table listening to my ex boyfriend tell me the thing I didn’t want to hear. I then heard my own wisdom, a voice whisper to me advising me that this was not where I should be and it was time to leave. I had a choice: Was I going to stay with this guy knowing that he wasn’t going to put a ring on it? Or do I walk away?

I chose to stay. Less than a year later, we broke up. 

I recall that memory at the Chinese food restaurant a few years ago like it was yesterday. Looking back, I can really appreciate having had that experience because over the years since then, I’ve learned how to listen to and trust my intuition. And as it turns out, the breakup opened me up to a new joy in my life that I would not have had the opportunity to experience had I stayed in the relationship. Sometimes in order for our greatest wishes and desires to become a reality and for us to become the empowered women we know we can be, we need to let go of the things that hold us back in order to make room for the things that will support us. That’s just how life works sometimes.

I’ve had conversations with many women who’ve had their own Chinese restaurant moments.  A time in their lives, their career, or a relationship when it was clear that it was time for them to move on.  Yet we hesitate or doubt what we are truly feeling and brush it off. 90% of the time when we get an intuitive nudge about something, we respond by:

1.      Going into denial about it.

2.     Waiting it out with false hope that the situation will resolve on it’s own.

3.     Ignoring it all together.

In my example above, I chose option #2. That seems to be a popular option for many of us. I worked with a woman who knew it was time to leave her job but chose to stay and took on another role within the same company. A year later, that pit in the stomach feeling returned so she finally decided to listen. She made plans to leave the company and pursue another career path. She says when she didn’t listen to her intuition the first time, “It was like postponing the inevitable.”

When it’s time to move on, it’s time to move on. And when we ignore this knowing that our bodies try to alert us to, we only prolong the inevitable.

If you sense that your intuition might be nudging you to move on from a situation that is no longer working, here are three practical ways to respond:

Get curious. Activate your self-inquiry. Ask your inner wisdom for more clarity about where it’s leading you to. If you are feeling resistance to moving on, ask yourself what is it that you fear about that idea. Curiosity opens you up to new answers and possibilities rather than staying stuck in your own judgment.

Talk it out. Gather your closest friends and confidants to let them know what you’re experiencing. Do this in a supportive group and ask them not to give you advice but just listen. Sometimes articulating your thoughts, feelings, and fears out loud helps you to hear yourself talk about it and take ownership of what you’re feeling.

Create a plan. If you determine that your intuition is right and it is time to move on, make a plan to do so. Understanding that it is not always easy to just walk away from a situation, making a plan with concrete steps will allow you to take incremental steps while honoring your inner wisdom.

If you’re currently facing your own situation and you feel it’s time to leave, don’t delay the inevitable. Choosing to leave a situation that is no longer working for you is the most empowering thing you can do for yourself. Listen to your intuition and determine your next course of action.

With love,

Ariane

If this post resonates with you and you feel moved to go deeper into this conversation, take the next step and reach out to us to get support.

Freedom of Mind. Freedom of Body. Freedom of Soul

The mind has amazing potential, especially when pursuing creative aspirations. All it takes is a vision of what your greatest masterpiece would look like if brought to life and the willingness to take a chance.  But fragile as the mind can be, it is susceptible to penetrating thoughts of failure and self-criticism that questions whether or not we are good enough.  To experience freedom of mind comes from an inner strength and conviction to honor your impulses of creative self-expression. When you can release the grips of fears, doubts and insecure toxic thoughts, even in small increments, your mind reverses it’s perceived limitations.  Freedom of mind is the experience of knowing and feeling that nothing is impossible anymore. 

It’s all connected; freedom of mind leads to freedom of body.

 

Imagine for a moment watching yourself simply walking down the street.  Your shoulders are raised just below your ears, your back is hunched over and your eyes are fixed to the ground in front of you.  Maybe you’ve had a bad day or maybe this is just the norm for you. In either case, your energy is low and the world around you feels it.  Body language is a powerful thing and can be the difference between how you want to be treated and how people actually treat you. But now imagine yourself walking down that same street on a completely different level.  No matter what is going on in your life right now you are choosing to feel safe and comforted in the moment.  Your eyes become brighter, shoulders start to relax and your lips curl up to a smile.  These small changes automatically create a profound shift in your environment just by the positive energy you are giving off.  To free your body from tightness and resistance shows the world that you are unblocked and free to receive all that you desire.  Your heart becomes open and the world responds with graceful light.

An open heart is a creative one.

 

Simply put, your heart is like a child; it is our creative spirit that yearns to come out and play in the world. Continuously shielding it from hurt or vulnerability dampens our potential to grow into something great.  When we scold our hearts for not being sensible or nagging us to go on a much needed nature walk, we become afraid and inhibited.  To free your heart and get out from behind those self-imposed prison bars is to give it permission to do more than just beat for you.  Your heart will show you a different view of the world and let you see what it feels like to truly be alive.  When your heart is free, it is no longer afraid to do the things it was built to do.  Speak up for what's right, dance in the rain, wear mismatched socks, and enter a photograph in a competition because hey, you just might win. 

For us to live and freely create from a space that is loved, honored, and celebrated lies in our ability to achieve freedom in mind, body, and soul (heart).   


See Beauty...

Ariane

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If You Weren't Afraid, What Would You Do?

Last week I watched Oprah Winfrey being interviewed on Facebook Live. The video was nothing short of inspirational.  But when we’re talking about Oprah, everything she says and does always inspires in some way or another and in this case, even challenges you.

During the early part of the interview, Oprah shared her thoughts about ending her show and deciding the next step in her life.  What led to her decision was a very challenging one.  She asked herself “If I weren’t afraid, what would I do”?  Oprah knew by asking herself that question what her new direction would be.  She joked about all the things she could’ve done like yachting, gardening, and all that fun stuff.  But none of those things made her clutch her heart in fear from the very thought of it. The answer to her question, what would she do if she weren’t afraid, was to build her own television network.  She would continue doing what she loves; to share and inspire people to live their best life. 

I dared to ask myself that same question; “if I weren’t afraid, what would I do?”  Are you ready for the answer?  I’m not even sure if I’m ready, but here goes.

Actually the first answer that popped into my head when I asked myself this question is relocating.  I’ve entertained the thought of moving to somewhere like California several times before.  I’ve even thought of living abroad for a while.  As someone who has lived in New York all of her life, the idea of moving somewhere completely different is so thrilling to me.  It is also incredibly scary

I met a stranger one day on the subway and we had a very long conversation about living a passionate life and doing the things that bring you purpose and fulfillment.  I shard with him my desire to one day move out of NYC to which he replied, “just do it”.   Easier said then done I’m sure, but hmmm, maybe not.  Suppose I thought for just a moment how easy it would be to make the decision to move and work towards making it happen?  That’s how dreams become reality, right?  A thought becomes an idea, an idea becomes a dream, and a dream could either stay a dream or come true. 

Perhaps this is what happened to Oprah when she had the thought to start her own television show or create OWN.  Who would she be had she not decided to turn that thought into reality despite the fear?  She wouldn’t be who she is today; Oprah Winfrey.  And we wouldn’t be who we are or who we were meant to be if we decided not follow our dreams because of fear.

So now I turn the question to you; If you weren’t afraid, what would you do? 

Marry the love of your life, go skydiving, quit your day job to travel the world, ???.  The possibilities are endless.

See Beauty…

Ariane

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