Escaping the Career Waiting Trap

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I've noticed lately that many of us fall victim to the waiting trap. This is especially common among us ‘go with the flow,’ ‘take life as it comes,’ ‘laid back’ types. We pride ourselves on being very thoughtful and reflective and not impulsive or overzealous when it comes to making a decision, especially the life-changing ones. But could our passive approach to life be one of the main things that hold us back from having what we want? How many times have we strongly desired change in our lives; a new job, more money, to start a business, to take a class, to get more clients, only to find that months or even years later, we’re stuck in the same problem?What gives?

Goals we never meet

Someone many years ago once told me that the reason I didn’t have what I wanted is because I hadn’t fully committed to it. I was still on the fence, still “figuring things out,” waiting for something to change while not actively going after it. Even when I did take action, my level of commitment was not consistent and I eventually fell back into old patterns. Does this sound familiar?

With the start of a new year, I know many of you set new goals, new intentions, and new promises for yourselves. But the truth is, a year from now, many of us will find ourselves in the same situation. Even with good intentions for change, only a fraction (just 8%!) will actually achieve what we set out to do this year.

What is really going on here?

Fighting change by waiting

Here’s the thing. When it comes to making change, deep down we fear it. We fear that if we take control and become active in pursuing what we want, we might actually get it. And that scares us to death. As humans, we are frightened by the idea of change. We crave comfort and predictability in our routine and environment, so daring to make changes rings the alarm of discomfort and risk.

Most of us avoid making change by entering the waiting trap. Waiting is passive. It keeps us stagnant, stale, and locked into a holding pattern that looks a lot like our comfort zones. Our tendency to wait things out is oftentimes fueled by fear.

Waiting can show up as:

  • Indecision

  • Procrastination

  • Uncertainty

  • Hesitation

  • Wait-and-See

Waiting can rob us of joy, happiness and fulfillment. But it often manifests itself in sneaky ways. Beth Grant coined the term the Passive Yes as something we use to stay in Waiting. This is when you pretend to take action but you’re not really all-in. An example can be that someone claims they want to grow a new skillset, signs up for a seminar or workshop but doesn’t show up or do the exercises. Another example is when that same aspiring professional claims they don’t have the time or money to work on their goals. We can be really effective at keeping ourselves busy with other things that we claim are important or necessary but really just serve as distractions from what we truly want.

This mind trick can keep us in a perpetual state of Waiting. We search for answers and evidence but become overwhelmed with the possibilities before ever making a decision or taking action.

So what is the alternative?

Steps to take to escape waiting

It’s important to recognize what Waiting truly is: a manifestation of fear. Sometimes all it takes is acknowledging that when you find yourself procrastinating or locked in indecision. Ask yourself what’s really going on and you may find your fear of what could happen if you make this change is dictating your life.

Listen to your fear, and understand where it is coming from. The thing we most fear, that worst case scenario, rarely manifests the way we think it would. Even unlikely worst case scenarios can teach us important lessons.

Once you recognize this, ask yourself the following questions:

  1. What would happen if you stayed stuck waiting for something to change?

  2. How would you feel if it was a year from now and nothing has changed?

  3. What are you willing to risk and explore in order to keep going forward, and what do you have to gain?

Enlist help and support as you work through this. Partner with someone who will not hold you back and commiserate with you but will empower and hold you accountable to take action.

When you take action, and this is very important, make sure it is an action that gets you out of your comfort zone. It doesn’t have to be a super huge action that terrifies you. But it will make you feel a little uncomfortable. If it does, that’s a good sign that it’s a move that will help you grow.

Now it’s you’re turn. Ready to get out of Waiting?

If You’re Thinking About Becoming A Coach, Read This First!

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I often get asked the question of how I became a coach and how I started my business. People are genuinely interested in how one chooses a profession such as this and how they can do it for themselves. After leaving corporate and undergoing my own personal transformation I wanted to help others and coaching simply worked.

Very rarely does one set out to become a coach but somehow coaching tends to finds us instead. We experience it first as a deep desire to help people and connect with them beyond the mundane. We hold a deep love and appreciation for humanity and the potential we all have for transformation and greatness. We have witnessed it in ourselves and find pure joy in bringing it out in others. It is a true privilege to be a coach. However it is also a big responsibility. Being a coach for the last eight years and effectively building a business coaching others, I’ve learned some hard-earned lessons around what it takes to be successful. With so many new coaches starting out, I’m passing along my top 8 lessons I learned about building a coaching practice.

While this list is specifically tailored to coaches, most can be applied in most businesses where you are providing a service. 

Lesson #1 Decide if you want to get certified as a coach. There are a lot of pros and cons to getting the certification. The coaching industry is not regulated so anyone can say they are a coach without having the credentials. I chose to go through a coach training program to become certified. At the time, since coaching was so new to me I wanted to learn more about the methodologies used to be an effective coach. Having your certification also builds credibility. However, in all my years of coaching I have never been asked if I am certified but I have gotten amazing work opportunities that specifically wanted certified coaches. That said, it is up to you and ultimately it is a personal choice. If you do decide to pursue a coaching certification, do your research of the program that will be right for you.

Lesson #2 Coach, coach coach! I see so many new coaches make the mistake of getting their website done, having business cards, setting up Facebook pages and worrying about their niche first. When I ask them how many clients do they have, most of them say none. In the beginning of building your practice focus on building your craft first. Find pro-bono clients and even some paid ones and coach as much as you can. This will help build your confidence and know the areas you help people the most. There is nothing worse than a coach who is not confident in her abilities so focus on the people side of the business first then all the other things will fall into place.

Lesson #3 Don’t confuse your self worth with the value your clients are getting. Price accordingly. Another major block that gets in the way for most new coaches is devaluing their work. I did this in the beginning where I charged really low fees while trying to build a sustainable business. I constantly questioned my worth as a coach and whether clients saw me as worthy enough to pay a certain amount. This screws up the work that you do for your clients not just from a business standpoint but energetically, it creates a block both for you and for your client. When you use your self worth as a gauge for your fees you neglect to take into account the actual value that you are providing to your client. The work you do for your client should always be about the value they receive not whether you think you are worthy of being paid a certain amount. That kind of thinking stems from ego and gets in the way of truly serving at its highest level.  I’ll give you a quick example:

One year while building my practice, I raised my rates to the highest I’ve ever charged. I quoted my new fee to a prospect that was interested in working with me. She was afraid of the price tag but I stood firm and she made the payment. The entire time I coached her, I was so worried that she would think I wasn’t worth the money she paid so I constantly felt like I had to prove myself in each session. This particular client ended up being one of my best clients and had the biggest transformation through our work together. At the end of our time she shared with me that although she was afraid in the beginning to spend so much money she quickly saw the shifts in her life and business that the money became a non-issue. She said the breakthroughs she experienced both personally and professionally were priceless.

So again, don’t let the money get in the way. Serve your clients by creating the most value for them.

Lesson #4 Surround yourself with successful coaches. There’s a lot we don’t know as coaches when first starting out. If you truly want to make the biggest impact and do good work seek out the best in the biz and learn from them. I was very fortunate in that I was able to make some really good connections with coaches and secured opportunities to work alongside them. I learned the nuts and bolts of building a coaching business, creative ways to secure steady streams of income, and also learned powerful coaching techniques. The key to any great success in business is spending time with people who have done the thing you desire to do.

Lesson #5 Walk your talk. The thing about being a coach is that it keeps you honest and constantly presents opportunities to develop yourself personally. The law of attraction is real folks. I constantly find myself attracting clients and situations in my own life that are the same as what my clients go through. This happens to a lot of coaches as well. Use these situations to practice your craft and transform yourself. If you don’t, how will you be able to do it for your clients? If you are a health/wellness coach you better make sure you are honoring your own health. If you are a divorce coach, you must be able to speak to how you successfully navigated a divorce yourself. If you are a life coach, you better make sure your life is perfect. Just kidding on that last part! Being a coach is not about having your shit together or being perfect at anything. It’s about being human. We have all stumbled and made mistakes but you must be in your integrity when working with other people. People can sense when you’re being disingenuous. 

Lesson #6 Invest in your own coach. Many of us want to be coaches but we don’t want to hire our own coach. I hear so many excuses why this is the case. If you want people to hire you, they will have the same excuses that you have for not doing so. Even doctors need their own doctors and therapists have therapists. This is not a game you want to play alone. Left to our own devices we cannot bring out the best in ourselves, even the most successful. I resisted hiring a coach until my 2nd year of business and have worked with different coaches since. I wasn’t making a lot of money then so it didn’t make sense to me. But I was making the decision based on the level I was at the time, not the higher level I wanted to be. This shift changed the game for me. I hired a coach, relaxed into the process and more than double my income that year.

Lesson #7 Don’t be afraid of the hustle. In the beginning, I hustled like mad to network and get clients for my business. I told everyone and anyone that I was a coach and to keep me in mind if anyone was looking for my services. This helped me to get out of my comfort zone; it taught me to get myself out there and ask for what I want. Your clients can come from anywhere. Your only job is to constantly “show up” and be of service. The hustle never stops so find ways to enjoy the process. There are days when I spend hours on the not so sexy back-end stuff like making phone calls, writing sales pages, and prospecting. This is all apart of the work you are doing in the world to serve people. It’s not for everyone so be honest with yourself in what you are choosing.

Lesson #8 Find your own way. This was a huge turning point for me. In my first few years as a coach I tried doing what everyone else did to build a successful business. I was on social media, had a Twitter account (even though I NEVER used Twitter), went to BNI networking meetings at the crack of dawn because other coaches had done it, flew across the country to attend conferences from big wig coaches who had houses on the beach and bought their programs for thousands of dollars – I did it all. I got burnt out very quickly chasing down gurus to mimic their success. In the end, I stopped chasing and focused on the things I was really good at. I was always a good writer so now I focus my time on writing beautiful articles and essays. I love to speak and do motivational talks so I make sure to do speaking engagements as much as I can. I love having thought provoking, inspiring conversations with people so I carve out time to do this regularly. All of these ways have led clients to me, sometimes unexpectedly. My advice to you would be, listen and learn information from others who have been successful but take only what works for you and leave the rest. What worked for them may not work for you. Don’t be afraid to find your own way.

There is SO much more I could say about becoming a coach. I loved my journey. It wasn’t without its bumps and difficult challenges but the people I have met along the way, more than make up for it. When you choose this life you embrace it all.

Which of these lessons resonates most with you? What has been your experience as a new coach?

When You Don't Feel Qualified

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"God is going to send you places you don't feel qualified to go. God doesn't call the qualified, he qualifies the CALLED!"

When I posted this quote on my Instagram a few days ago, it got double the likes of my normal posts. I knew this one struck a cord with a lot of folks. It was one of those posts that when I read the words, I stopped what I was doing and gave it my full attention. He qualifies the called.

I find that so many of us, especially women but some men too, often don’t feel qualified to step into the next chapter of their career story. If it’s a book we want to write, we disqualify ourselves by saying, I’m not a writer. If it’s a new role we want to take on at work, we disqualify ourselves because we don’t have enough experience. If we want to start a business but don’t consider ourselves savvy enough. If we want to change directions completely and go into a career path that is completely foreign to us, we disqualify ourselves because we don't have a Master's in that field. When we feel called into something we've never done before, we instantly feel unqualified for the job. We begin measuring ourselves by what we don't have rather than focusing on the strengths we already possess.


I believe we all have intrinsic qualities that sometimes lie dormant untilthe moment we need to call on them. Like the new mother whose never parented before, she’s filled with all sorts of nerves and anxiety over being responsible for another human life. But the moment she steps into it, she realizes motherhood is as innate to her as being good at finance or bringing friends together.


We almost always feel uncertain about venturing into unknown territory. The doubts are just a natural part of being human. We crave growth but a big part of the growth process is not always feeling ready for the thing you want to grow into. We must give ourselves permission to venture into unknown territory and the room to grow within spaces that at first seem too big. You won’t know what greatness you’re truly capable of until you allow yourself to be great. While you may not believe you have what it takes for that next big step, consider that there is an untapped part of you that was born for it.

Now it’s your turn. What are you feeling the call to do? What if stepping into it, made you more qualified?


Project She Went for Her Dreams has openings for 5 new clients. If you’re feeling the call to greatness, get started with filling out our application.
 
Cheers to your dreams,
 
Ariane

 

Leaving the Herd

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The herd mentality is pervasive throughout our culture. Researchers discovered that it takes a minority of just five per cent to influence a crowd’s direction – and that the other 95 per cent follow without realizing it. We find safety in numbers. When we belong to a group, this makes us feel warm, safe, and content. Having a sense of belonging is not necessarily a bad thing; it’s how we build community and connection. However, when we succumb to a programmed, unconscious way of existing, we sacrifice individuality in favor of comfort. This showed up for me in my career in a profound way.

In my mid-twenties, I moved to NYC after grad school to start my career in corporate but the 9-5 thing quickly ran its course. Looking out of my office window down to the street below and seeing the tiny hoards of people during the height of rush hour make their way to work. The same way they had done previously the day before and the day before that. I had become one of them. I was part of the herd. I realized that the corporate cubicle life wasn’t for me.  So while most of my peers worked traditional jobs and climbed the corporate ladder, I had the nutty idea to leave the pack and start my own business.

Herding in our careers

I am always fascinated by how we choose our career path. But what I found is that we oftentimes choose our professions by default, not intention. We fall into a career because someone told us we should get into it or it just seemed like a good idea. An example of this could be following our parent’s advice to become a lawyer or go into finance because it’s stable and lucrative. Good advice but can become problematic down the line if you don’t truly love the work.

Breaking away

I believe one of the ultimate acts of leaving the herd is: the decision to stop following and lead.

Three things will happen when you decide to break away from the herd and how to handle it:

1.      Isolation. Leaving the herd can be a lonely place. Seek community immediately! Join groups of likeminded people who value thinking differently and freely. You can find them in meetup groups, within your community, shared spaces like co working offices, and events.

2.     Odd looks. Be ready for awkward conversations and puzzled looks from your friends & family. You may even get naysayers that challenge you or try to tell you it’s a bad idea. This is normal. People fear those who leave the pack but secretly they yearn to do the same. Be the example. Sometimes your decision to be bold inspires other to do the same.

3.     Temptation to return to the heard. It’s hard to walk to the beat of your own drum and dance when no body else hears the music. Resist the urge to go back to your comfort zone. Only you get to decide if herd life is for you or being the bold, daring black sheep.

Leading as the black sheep

The choice to be different is just that, a choice. If you’re someone who challenges convention and loathes conformity, you just might be a black sheep. Embrace it and do not hide. Our differences are what make us come alive. Being the black sheep is taking the lead for your own life, knowing what is best for you and acting on that knowledge unapologetically. Naturally, you will have those who you will inspire so being a black sheep is not just about you, but those you impact. Leaving the herd can be costly, but worth the price of admission.

How my intention setting method returned exactly the things I wanted.

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How my intention setting method returned exactly the things I wanted.

In today’s post I want to share with you a simple yet surprisingly effective way to meaningfully set, build, and achieve what you want. It’s a self-created ritual I have been practicing since late last year. At the beginning of each quarter of the year, I set a list of intentions and check back at the end of the quarter to see how I did. The first time I did it, I was floored by how effective it was.This method brought me more money, gave me key career opportunities, allowed me to travel, and even brought me a few dates ;).

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Considering a Career Reinvention? Three Questions to Ask Yourself

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Considering a Career Reinvention? Three Questions to Ask Yourself

For many of us, a career reinvention is something we dream of doing but the thought of pivoting from our current path seems at the very least, impossible. A quick scan of my resume will reveal to you the many hats I’ve worn throughout my career to date. One of which includes a 4-year track as a wedding & portrait photographer. At the very least, my unconventional career path makes for a great conversation piece at networking events and media interviews. I will be the first to admit that my career path is nothing short of a squiggly line rather than a linear path. Having reinvention as part of my career story, however, has created a multidimensional layer to my body of work that I wouldn’t otherwise have.

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