Why Women Don't Ask

I have worked around some of the best business people in the game, both men and women. There is a stark difference between successful business men and women and those who are just getting by and that difference is: their ability to ask for and get what they want. It’s something that so few of us especially as women are willing to do. When it comes to making the ask in business, quite simply, women won’t do it. This is certainly not to say all women, but for the vast majority, we are not getting what we want because we are shy about asking.

Here are the top reasons why we’re not asking:

  • We feel like we are being a bother to the other person.
  • We are afraid of hearing No.
  • We don’t want to come off as being too aggressive or worse, selfish.

And here’s what is happening as a result:

  • We are getting paid way less money.
  • We are settling for smaller pieces of the pie.
  • We are not getting ahead in our business at nearly the rate that men get ahead.

We have to do better ladies.

We must acknowledge the hidden barriers at work that stop us from asking. Ever since birth, girls have been taught not to promote our own self-interest and to put the needs of others ahead of our own. We also fear being perceived as bitchy or too pushy.

It is time that we shift this paradigm. There are women in business who have nailed the art of asking for what they want and as a result, experience a level of success that few of us achieve. And as someone who used to be a non-asker and have since tossed that behavior to the side, here’s what I now teach women about asking for what you want:

  1. Be direct, just ask. No need to justify or rationalize your request. Be mindful of being passive or appearing insecure when you ask.
  2. Consider that the person you are asking will benefit from the request as well.
  3. If you hear a No, don’t personalize it. Don’t make a rejection about you.
  4. Ask for more than you think you can get.

Remember, everything you want (new business, more clients, new job, more money!) is on the other side of that Ask.  

Asking takes practice. What will you ask for today?

If you’re ready to ask for and get what you want, work with me to help get you there quicker. Schedule a free session with me today!