Why Do We Stay? How Women Can Stop Denying Their Intuition and Get Unstuck

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Image courtesy of Norwood Themes

Image courtesy of Norwood Themes

I sat across the table quietly listening to him talk. We were at the corner Chinese Food restaurant at the nearby corner from where we lived, waiting for our order. Same as we had many nights before when cooking at home seemed like too much work for our NYC too-busy-to-cook lifestyle. But this night was different. This night had the potential to change the course of my life. It was the night when it finally hit me that the man that I had spent the last seven years with was not going to be the man I would spend the rest of my life with.  As the words touched my ears, “I don’t want to get married”, I instantly felt drained. In a way his words confirmed my suspicions but actually hearing them said out loud were like daggers to the heart. And in that moment, what happened next can only be described in the same way near-death patients report having an experience of leaving their physical body. I felt as if my soul left my body and I actually watched myself sitting at the table listening to my ex boyfriend tell me the thing I didn’t want to hear. I then heard my own wisdom, a voice whisper to me advising me that this was not where I should be and it was time to leave. I had a choice: Was I going to stay with this guy knowing that he wasn’t going to put a ring on it? Or do I walk away?

I chose to stay. Less than a year later, we broke up. 

I recall that memory at the Chinese food restaurant a few years ago like it was yesterday. Looking back, I can really appreciate having had that experience because over the years since then, I’ve learned how to listen to and trust my intuition. And as it turns out, the breakup opened me up to a new joy in my life that I would not have had the opportunity to experience had I stayed in the relationship. Sometimes in order for our greatest wishes and desires to become a reality and for us to become the empowered women we know we can be, we need to let go of the things that hold us back in order to make room for the things that will support us. That’s just how life works sometimes.

I’ve had conversations with many women who’ve had their own Chinese restaurant moments.  A time in their lives, their career, or a relationship when it was clear that it was time for them to move on.  Yet we hesitate or doubt what we are truly feeling and brush it off. 90% of the time when we get an intuitive nudge about something, we respond by:

1.      Going into denial about it.

2.     Waiting it out with false hope that the situation will resolve on it’s own.

3.     Ignoring it all together.

In my example above, I chose option #2. That seems to be a popular option for many of us. I worked with a woman who knew it was time to leave her job but chose to stay and took on another role within the same company. A year later, that pit in the stomach feeling returned so she finally decided to listen. She made plans to leave the company and pursue another career path. She says when she didn’t listen to her intuition the first time, “It was like postponing the inevitable.”

When it’s time to move on, it’s time to move on. And when we ignore this knowing that our bodies try to alert us to, we only prolong the inevitable.

If you sense that your intuition might be nudging you to move on from a situation that is no longer working, here are three practical ways to respond:

Get curious. Activate your self-inquiry. Ask your inner wisdom for more clarity about where it’s leading you to. If you are feeling resistance to moving on, ask yourself what is it that you fear about that idea. Curiosity opens you up to new answers and possibilities rather than staying stuck in your own judgment.

Talk it out. Gather your closest friends and confidants to let them know what you’re experiencing. Do this in a supportive group and ask them not to give you advice but just listen. Sometimes articulating your thoughts, feelings, and fears out loud helps you to hear yourself talk about it and take ownership of what you’re feeling.

Create a plan. If you determine that your intuition is right and it is time to move on, make a plan to do so. Understanding that it is not always easy to just walk away from a situation, making a plan with concrete steps will allow you to take incremental steps while honoring your inner wisdom.

If you’re currently facing your own situation and you feel it’s time to leave, don’t delay the inevitable. Choosing to leave a situation that is no longer working for you is the most empowering thing you can do for yourself. Listen to your intuition and determine your next course of action.

With love,

Ariane

If this post resonates with you and you feel moved to go deeper into this conversation, take the next step and reach out to us to get support.

Part I – An open dialogue about Purpose & Passion

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Part I – An open dialogue about Purpose & Passion

Disclaimer: Today’s post is a long one. The purpose-passion conversation can be a loaded one so I’ve divided this post into two parts. Ready? Let’s go.

There’s nothing I love more than an enriching conversation on the fascinations of exploring our purpose on this earth and the passions we discover along the way. What I am noticing is that when it comes to the word ‘purpose’ some of us either shy away from using the term, some of us avoid it all together, and some of us haven’t really stopped to explore what living it really means to us. So what I’d like to do with you here today is take a step back and open up a dialogue about the word ‘purpose’ and our perception of it. We’ll also talk about our passions. Some of us know what our passions are and excitedly live it every day. Some of us may find it intimidating or even mysterious as we question it and look ferociously to find it. And some of us are actively immersed in exploring our passions and allowing it to be revealed day by day. No matter where you’re at on the purpose-passion continuum, we’re going to do a bit of exploring some food for thought today.

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The Identity of Pain

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I became a life coach because I see that we are all in pain. Some of us suffer in silence and keep it all in. Some of us identify with that pain because it’s all we know. Some of us who are in pain suppress it and keep going thinking that one day it will all go away. But that day never comes because we never allow it to. Our feelings of indecision, confusion, overwhelm, and fear all comes from a place inside of us that feels “off”. A place that wants to be healed, touched, recognized, and comforted. We yearn for our pain to be comforted because it hurts so bad. We turn to alcohol, food, technology, and even the people around us to comfort us knowing deep down that it will only fan the flames of our pain.

My heart hurts when I see us hurt in this way. I want so much to hold a mirror up in front of you and show you what I see. A strong unique radiance of who you are; an amazing human being. 

I know what it feels like to be bought and sold into a dream that is not your own. I know what it feels like to be out of touch or disconnected from that place deep within you that wants something more than what you’ve been settling for. And most of all, I know what the voice of fear sounds like and the paralyzing hold it can have over you. This is the pain I struggled with for years and years. Even today that pain still presents itself. But I must say that over the years that pain has gotten smaller and in some instances unrecognizable. It is unrecognizable, because as the pain melts away, I am beginning to see myself without the identity of pain and thus, the real me. 

Pain is an inevitable part of the journey, but suffering is not. We have a choice, everyday and in every moment. For some of us it is not until that pain becomes so unbearable that we take the risk of flying than to keep sinking deeper and deeper into the comfort of our own pain. I cannot promise you that you will not fall or never experience pain again. But what I can promise, it will reveal the identity of who you truly are. A strong beautiful radiant human being who is capable of transcending all pain into love.


 

With Love & Light,

Ariane

Her Starring Role

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For the last 365 days, she has played a role.  She’s tried on every costume to suit each role she had to play in the starring role of her life.  Not willing to walk on stage in front of a large audience with nothing but the skin she was given.  One day she grew tired of changing costumes.  She then walked out on stage completely exposed looking outward yet remaining deep within herself through love and security. What will everyone think of her as she stands on this stage in complete silence?  She simply embodies the fullness of her own presence.  Will she be enough for the audience?  Will she receive a standing ovation for just being herself?  Maybe, maybe not.  But at least if the world doesn’t stand up for her, she will already be standing up for herself.

 

See Beauty...

Ariane

Puffy Eyes

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My eyes are puffy and I have a slight headache.  That can only mean one thing; I was crying before I went to bed last night.  That whole puffy eye thing though, the first time I discovered that happens to me was over ten years ago on the morning after my uncle died.  I cried so much the night he died and I woke up the next day with puffy eyes.  But I remember feeling so much better. 

Last night I cried over the Thank You letter I finally wrote to my ex.  Yes, I wrote a thank you note to my ex.  I actually wrote it.  It was two pages and about five paragraphs of free handwriting.  I wrote it on printer paper with my favorite pen.  I sat at the kitchen table and pushed everything away from me.  The placemats and the centerpiece to give myself plenty of elbow room to write.  Funny thing was, I only planned to write the beginning of the letter.  You know just the Dear John* part and maybe a few opening lines just to get me started.  I began writing and about one paragraph into the letter, I wanted to stop writing.  It felt terribly uncomfortable and the tears had already started flowing by then.  But I kept going.  I have to admit, I was actually curious about what was flowing out of me through my words.  What did I want to say in this letter?  How was I going to say it?  I wanted to see myself through.  I kept writing.  Fighting through the tears and the snotty nose.  Lot’s of tissue was in order as I wrote.  I wrote and I wrote.   It was so painful; it hurt like hell.  The letter was filled with so many memories.  And all good ones at that which made it double hard.  But like I stated in the letter, anything that was lost was at one point a gain in your life so we must be thankful for it.  And so I stuck with that thought as I continued to write the Thank You letter.  What a release writing that letter was for me.  It was a release of emotions (tears, pain) and a release of me (free flowing expression).  It was also an epic battle between me and my ego.  Oh boy my ego DID NOT want me to say any of the things I said in that letter let alone admit it to myself.  There was a lot of pride mixed in there too.  How dare I give thanks to another person for myyyy accomplishments?!!  But to be clear, I wasn’t just thanking my ex completely; I was being thankful for all of the positive experiences I had while I was with him that helped make me who I am today.  But my ego was not trying to hear that though.  I pressed on to finish what I had started and eventually the ego quieted down.  I was happy to have gotten through the Thank You letter.  I even let out another big cry at the end after I signed my name at the bottom. 

I put down my pen on top of the pages I had just written, stood up, and walked away from the kitchen table.  What I just did took courage and strength that I didn’t even know I had. The whole process left me feeling “tired” after having poured all of myself into the creation of this letter.  My mind was blank afterward except for my egoic voice chiming in every so often yelling at me for what I just did.  I knew it was all good though.  That what I had just done needed to be done and I was better off for it.  I said everything I needed to say in exactly the way I needed to say it.  I was proud of me for that. 

What happens next from here? I don’t know.  Will I ever give the Thank You letter to him?  Maybe.  Maybe, yes.  I think it’s something I want him to see.  But it’s not for him though, writing that letter was for me.  Writing a Thank You letter to my ex wasn’t to stroke his ego or some weird plot to get him back.  What it all boils down to was love; love for myself.  Doing what I needed to do to heal and feel my own love again.  That’s what writing the letter did for me.  And if he gets something out it that helps him in some way, then great for him.  I never want my actions to tear anyone down, only to build up.

See Beauty…

Ariane

 

 

*Name changed

 

 

The Gift of YOU | Practicing Self-love & Kindness

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When you look in the mirror; at your reflection, what do you see?  Perhaps you see the makings of a bad hair day or that new pimple coming in.  Aaargh, there goes your day, right?  These physical flaws will be on your mind throughout the day as you go about your normal routine.  But what if you looked a little bit deeper, past your own reflection. What if you looked deeply into eyes of the person staring back at you. What would you see?  Maybe you would see a person who is incredibly gifted at using color and design to turn a blank canvas into a creative display of self-expression.  Or maybe you see a person who is a whiz in the kitchen and can whip up the most creative meals in a matter of minutes. 

That person is you.  These are the type of gifts we possess inside that go unnoticed or we brush it off as something that is not important.

Our gifts and attributes are things what we possess inside that come together to create who we truly are.

In the month of December, we will be celebrating our own unique gifts each day by recognizing and receiving them. Starting today and for the next 30 days, I’d like you to say the following statement:

Today, I receive the gift of my: willingness to try new things/my voice/my creativity/my spontaneity/my passion for cooking/ my nurturing ways/my willingness to dream/ my >>Fill In Your Awesome Gift<<

When you’re in front of a mirror (getting ready for the day, the rearview mirror in your car, etc) or passing by your reflection (while window shopping or the puddle from yesterdays rain, etc), stop for a moment and breathe in the statement above. Say it out loud or quietly in your heart.  No matter what form it is expressed, be present with the words and feel it’s impact within you.

I will be posting the above statement on my Fanpage everyday this month.  I invite you to stop by and share the gifts that you are receiving that day.

When you receive your own gifts, you are practicing self-love and kindness.  You’ll begin to notice a shift happening inside you that puts you in touch with your true self instead of your perceived imperfections.  It’s an empowering practice that creates strength inside you to boldly share yourself in the world.

What is the gift that are you receiving today?

See Beauty…

Ariane 

 

Mindful Tools & Practices for Unblocking Creativity

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Mindfulness means being present.

Now, what does that really mean for a creative?

Being mindful means being aware of what's happening around and inside you.  It means being in the moment so that you can fully experience the intersection of your intuition and creativity.

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